Help! All moms of kids 10 and up I would love to hear some practical advice after you take just a minute to read this.
Funny thing, I started writing this and between beginning it and resuming it, I sprained my ankle. This is the second time I've done this doing something really dumb, I misjudged where to step and fell, twisting it. The reason it's funny is because I was intending to write about how hard it is to try and prioritize the important things my kids need from me, and now I need to rest my ankle. When people told me that teenagers would be the hard part of raising kids, I sort of believed them, but couldn't imagine how it'd be harder than babies. Well now I know. Physically, it is much easier. But now I struggle because there are a couple of things I've learned. Nagging doesn't work. Lecturing doesn't work. It can work to some extent, but the end result isn't necessarily what's important. Any one can go through the motions of living the gospel. My son said to me that he wasn't going to do good while I was watching and that was an eye opener. He is tired of my negative comments and I have created that attitude in him. I have learned that we should ask them to set goals, and follow up. Doesn't sound complicated does it? Well for some reason it's HARD! It's not just the teens, it's kids of probably six and up. So, now I try to come up with worthwhile goals for them and I want to talk with them to help them progress. However, I struggle with who to talk to, when to talk to them, how to follow through. It's so hard to know what I should be focusing on! And to be consistent! It all seems equally important. They have health issues, school issues, sibling relationship issues, it goes on and on. I start to go a little crazy. My latest effort is to print pages with their names and all those areas I just described, then write them down. Trouble is I have to act on it at some point! I would love for anyone at any time within reading this, to give me some words of wisdom, especially those with multiple kids who have learned from their own experiences. Maybe there is some one out there who can sympathize as well.
We found that spending time with our kids was so important. We did family activities all the time and everyone was expected to participate. It was kind of a family rule. Our teenagers didn't always want to hang out with the family, but always enjoyed it once they did. The family activities included bike rides, going to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream cone, going swimming (sometimes once a week), camping and vacations, dirt bike riding, skiing, family Olympics in the backyard, hiking, family game nights, charades, etc. We had a lot of fun together and still do - with 5 kids, 3 daughters-in-law, 1 son-in-law and 14 grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteI'll never forget when our oldest son was 11 and said he didn't want to go to Baskin Robbins with us because kids from school might see him out with his family. I was really sad and shocked, but felt like he was old enough to stay home by himself for a half hour. Bob, on the other hand, said he was coming with us because it was a family activity and the whole family was going. That was a really wise decision and one we stuck by the entire time we were raising our kids.
Raising teenagers is challenging and you have to pick your battles. They need to be as independent as they can possibly be and make as many decisions as possible, but parents are still in charge.
I could talk about this forever, but the last thing is keep telling kids and showing them that you love them!
Kathy Gulbransen
I think all parents with teens struggle with the same things. Tiffany, keep praying for them. Make yoursellf available to them. Tell them you love them everynight! Keep up the good fight, and rest in the knowledge That our Heavenly Father is watching over each one of them. At least that's what I do!! I know it's not much help!
ReplyDeleteDebbie
I know I have only one child, and so I am not that experienced, but she is a teenager, and I worry about the same things you do. One thing that has worked phenomenally well for me is not to nag, especially about homework. When Sarah went into the 8th grade, she got mad at me one night for nagging about getting her homework done. Since I can always check online for grades and assignments, I made her the deal that I would not nag about school work as long as I never saw a zero, or low grades. That year her GPA soared from a 3.0 to a 3.8 and has stayed up there since. I have had to ask every once in awhile about the occasional low test score or missing assignment, but it is always fixed by her. Just doing this has brought so much more peace into our home, and it is so nice not to feel that responsibility on my head every night.
ReplyDeleteI am always working on how to help her progress spiritually, and I am constantly praying for guidance on this. I try not to lecture too much because I know if I do she eventually quits listening, but I do try to be available to her, and let her know that she can tell me anything. I feel it is very important to keep the communication open so that I know what she thinks and what she is doing. I know that she doesn't tell me everything, but I do get the majority of it, this way I can put little snippets of lessons here and there, without it sounding like I am lecturing her.
Another thing that I feel that we can do is make sure that we walk the walk, if we don't our kids will not respect us. It is so hard to raise kids, because we all want our kids to grow up to the choose the right and to find the joy that we know they will have if they do. It is scary when we no longer can make their decisions for them and sometimes all we can do is pray for them, and let them know that we will always love them.
Jenny