stinky thinking

This is part two. I want to start out by saying that I don't think this is a simple thing, that I know that there are very difficult problems that affect us deeply. I am not suggesting that we can simply turn on a switch and be happy. What I am suggesting is that we allow destructive thinking to cast a cloud on our lives, and not even know it. I have five kids, and understandably I get tired, it's no secret to all parents that kids will try your patience. The Phrase "try patience" is a tired phrase, it doesn't even begin to explain how parenthood can stretch your mental capacities. So, what happens to me is that I start to get a little grouchy, and become some one I really don't want to be. I have been trying to analyze this process for 15 years, and lately I have noticed that the grouchiness comes, when I start thinking "I'm tired." Or, these kids aren't doing what I want them to do. It becomes all I focus on, how hard my life is, how I just need a break, etc. Maybe I do need a break, but sometimes I get even more focused on the bad stuff when I take a break! So, what is the answer? I believe that it's fighting the thought process. Recognizing and rejecting whatever thoughts are bringing me down. Again, it doesn't mean that I am not legitimately having a hard time. But I can change that subconscious fluff of a thought that comes to me before it becomes a solid emotional thought. I'm still working on the how. What is coming from this is that I need the Lord more than I ever realized. And I believe this applies to all the "bad" thinking (excluding chemical depression and or other mental illness, please don't get offended!) we plague ourselves with. I still have a bad one. I grew up believing that all mistakes are the worst things ever. Consequently, I can look at others and then at myelf, and subconsiously think I am inferior. I know it's a lie. Listen to me all you out there. IT IS A LIE!!! to think you're not good enough. I don't torture myself anymore, but the little thought still squeaks it's way into my brain. There is an endless list of this stuff. We have to learn to fight it. What are the lies you allow yourself to think?
One thing I have noticed as I have been able to overcome these stinky thoughts is that I notice others more, I turn outward instead of inward. Maybe that's the biggest reason Satan whispers the lies to us is so that we will not be able to give each other the support we need. This is a whole subject in itself. I wish I had an endless amount of time to talk about it with some one! Next blog I will talk about how to overcome the bad thoughts, and I would like whoever is reading to comment (now, not later.) and let us know what success you have had in overcoming the "stinky thinking."

Long time no blog! I know there are people out there that are waiting on every word I say! Laugh. There is something that keeps coming up for me and that is thinking. I’m thinking about thinking! That is, how our thinking affects our happiness. And this is one that I want to take my time on for a couple of reasons. First of all, it’s a very deep issue, one that I don’t think can be explained in a short blog. Second, I’m sure to offend someone if I simplify it. It keeps coming up with things I see in face book or read about. For example I was reading a great book which talked about forgiveness. The author asserted (through his characters) that our feelings follow our thoughts. This is not the first time I’ve heard this. He said that you have to decide to forgive people. I also remember a book that I myself had never read but someone close to me did has whose author bases his therapy for depressed people on teaching them to think differently. A friend of mine has changed how she feels by listening to hymns in the morning and thinking of the things she is grateful for. I believe this is a true principal. But what I’ve just written only scratches the surface. Because we have thoughts that I don’t think we know we are actually thinking. One might call them our subconscious. This is very hard to describe. And to define what is an actual thought may be even harder. Is it just an analytical thing that comes to my mind? Is it an impulse? Such as when I’m hungry and then think about eating? I can go look for food without ever consciously thinking “I’m hungry” (this is one that comes way too often.) As I write I’m thinking what I’m trying to bring out is that it’s not just conscious analytical thinking that goes on with us as human beings, it’s a spiritual process. We receive some sort of stimuli and our minds start turning, affecting us in some sort of way. If we could be more aware of our thoughts then I believe we could over come so much that brings us down.

Thanks

Since I am not doing much, I thought I would comment on comments! I appreciate all your experiences. I kind of had an answer to my prayers about this issue,although i believe it is a work in progress. I realized that my prayers are kind of selfish. I do pray for my kids and to be better for them and my husband, but I kind of don't pray directly to know what I should be doing, in a loving and Christlike way. I seek direction, but not every time, and not with charity. I'm blinded by my selfish irritation at their faults. I just want them to change, I don't want to lead the way. I am planning on making my prayers more of a two way exchange, and to write answers. I read a couple of talks from conference, one from Elder Withlin on the first and great commandment (possibly the best talk ever, seriously life changing) from October 2007 and started the one about love given by President Uctdorff from last October. If any of you are unfamiliar with what I'm talking about and want to look for yourself you can go to LDS.org and look under gospel library than conference talks. It is all about the love. Like my friend said (we'll call her Bob) love them. (By the way, I will never use any or your names in my blog. Unless you want me too! )These talks always clear things up for me. And I figure there's nothing better than asking for others experiences, it brings out the best in all of us I think. Well, hopefully my ankle is on the mend and I'll be able to hike with my family this week. Thanks to everyone.
Tiffany

Help! All moms of kids 10 and up I would love to hear some practical advice after you take just a minute to read this.
Funny thing, I started writing this and between beginning it and resuming it, I sprained my ankle. This is the second time I've done this doing something really dumb, I misjudged where to step and fell, twisting it. The reason it's funny is because I was intending to write about how hard it is to try and prioritize the important things my kids need from me, and now I need to rest my ankle. When people told me that teenagers would be the hard part of raising kids, I sort of believed them, but couldn't imagine how it'd be harder than babies. Well now I know. Physically, it is much easier. But now I struggle because there are a couple of things I've learned. Nagging doesn't work. Lecturing doesn't work. It can work to some extent, but the end result isn't necessarily what's important. Any one can go through the motions of living the gospel. My son said to me that he wasn't going to do good while I was watching and that was an eye opener. He is tired of my negative comments and I have created that attitude in him. I have learned that we should ask them to set goals, and follow up. Doesn't sound complicated does it? Well for some reason it's HARD! It's not just the teens, it's kids of probably six and up. So, now I try to come up with worthwhile goals for them and I want to talk with them to help them progress. However, I struggle with who to talk to, when to talk to them, how to follow through. It's so hard to know what I should be focusing on! And to be consistent! It all seems equally important. They have health issues, school issues, sibling relationship issues, it goes on and on. I start to go a little crazy. My latest effort is to print pages with their names and all those areas I just described, then write them down. Trouble is I have to act on it at some point! I would love for anyone at any time within reading this, to give me some words of wisdom, especially those with multiple kids who have learned from their own experiences. Maybe there is some one out there who can sympathize as well.

I am absolutely exhausted today and thought that might be a good time to write. On the frivolous side, I feel my twilightitus coming on. That is, my addiction to the twilight saga. Must be the Eclipse movie coming out. I don't even like the movies that much, but I love anything to do with Twilight. I have learned to control my addiction. Although yesterday I missed a turn because they were going to give some quote from Robert Pattinson.

I think my goal or quest is to show people that spirituality has a very practical application to life, maybe more than any of us realize. It's not just for church.

Grace from the Lord is real. I, like many women have days when I am so tired, I'm not sure how I will be able to do all I perceive I should do. Men probably feel it too, it's just in a situation I'm not really familiar with anymore. I read a talk from LDS conference about trials and how the Savior handled them and how He prayed more earnestly. I have a had a little drama lately. I don't want to be a grouch or neglect my family because of whatever physical and emotional problems I may be going through. (usually they are part of whatever problem is going on!) So I prayed more earnestly. And the spirit came. I have to do my part, I have to ask what will I do today. It's being led in a way I can't describe, I can't put words to it.

I do not want anyone to think that I am boasting of my spiritual superiority. We are all on different parts of the journey, that's the beauty of the Lord's love, He know exactly what we need to help us along. My particular problem is that I get distracted, I start reasoning with the world's reasoning. I let myself get uptight about household duties, errands, etc. You know the drill. I went this morning from having a certain level of anxiety as to how I would use my time, to having a quiet confidence as to what I would do. Other people don't function(or should I say dysfunction) like that, they know exactly what they are going to do and do it. I am one girl who is easy to distract! I also had the spirit tell me the other day that I do not need to worry about anything, the one thing I should worry most about is doing what the Savior would do. The peace that came from that! Amazing. Of course I messed up after that, I grouched at someone, but I can always go back to that and start again.

My last thought is that this is not an exclusive deal, this is not just me. There are steps we all have to take but the Lord makes his promises to everyone! I get the feeling that people read this or hear someone bear their testimony and think well, that's nice for them. Your miracle can start right now, today. It does take effort, and a determination not to be hard on yourself when you mess up.

It may be harder to keep up with a blog than I thought. Well, here goes my first attempt at coherency. I have thought about this for a few days. I was watching the BYU channel (not something I do often) and they have this little ad where they ask someone to take pictures of anything they see that's good. The one I saw recently surprised me. It was a guy who worked on some sort of building site, or a demolition site not sure which. But he started taking pictures of things you normally wouldn't think of as necessarily good. A fork lift, wrenches all lined up on a peg board, a huge beam being rolled to the ground. This is the second one I've seen and it caused me to think what is good? Maybe all that is good is not necessarily beauty or gives pleasure in some way. Could there be infinite amounts of good that we aren't willing to take notice of? Like the solid island counter top in my kitchen, the way the tile is laid in my shower, the double yellow lines on the road that keep me from careening to the other side. If there is an infinite amount of good, why do we focus so much on that which is bad? I think some would think that this is a simple minded approach to life, that we can't over look the problems in the world. But that isn't really what I'm trying to get across. I don't think the world is an idyllic place. I'm thinking that my peace of mind and my grattitude to the Lord, could increase ten fold. And that maybe the next time one of my kids is supposedly driving me nuts, I can stop and look for a second and really see what's good. My six year old's beautiful eyes, my 20 month old's cute little toes. I thought about it again today as I was making lunch for my kids. I was dead tired and my normal reaction was starting to be "man I wish I didn't have to do this." But then I thought about how making it is doing something good, something seemingly ordinary but yet not ordinary. It didn't seem like a burden to me any more, it seemed like a privilege. Is there really anything we do for each other that is ordinary? I am going to challenge myself to constantly look for all that's good. If by chance anyone reads this and has time to comment, I would love to hear from you what is good. Look around you and let me know!

So I'm back again. I thought about it for a couple of days (not that I sit on the comptuer all day, I have five children) and I just want this blog to be about ideas, mine and others. I can't worry about apoligizing for what some will most likely take the wrong way. I want to share ideas, and I know a lot of us share the same feelings and wish we knew some one else did too. The reason I wanted to call this blog just Tiffany is because that's all it is, me. I'm going to try not to be self serving. Might take a year to even get some one to read it. I guess the idea came from reading another blog, and from facebook. I hear interesting ideas on Facebook and want to comment but there's not enough room. I'm not super smart, I most likely will not amaze cyber space. I am not going to comment on what I had for lunch yesterday or Walmart next tuesday. I want to create meaning if I can. Signing off

This is the beginning of my blog. I am still not sure how I want it to be or what I want to do with it. I know a lot of women use it to keep in touch with family and friends. I know a lot of people use it to vent in good and bad ways. I guess the reason I am starting it is because I've thought a lot about myslef lately and the impact I will leave in the world. I am a mom with five kids, and if for some reason a stranger reads this I am a Mormon, who loves being one. I love the Lord, I love my family and my church. I believe that my role as a wife and mother will have the most important impact on the world of anything I could achieve.

Having said that, I feel the need to create or do something outside my family that says I was here, I did something. I am not good at much of anything that is what I would call practical, and that is mostly my own fault. The reasons for it are not important, but it has been hard on my self esteem. I stink at most homemaking in general, I don't paint or draw, I can't fix or build anything. It would really get to me sometimes, but I don't let it devalue me, because the Lord revealed to me by the Spirit that I am of value no matter what my lack of skills or weaknesses are. I know he loves me, and what I become is up to me.

Anyway, one thing that I think I may be good at is expressing my thoughts. And I hope that they might be of use to some one, some day. A few people have told me that I have been helpful to them, when I have born testimony or shared a thought. I don't want to seem arrogant, or that I think I know more than most people. But maybe because my lack of pracitcal skills, I have been blessed to be able to express what the Lord teaches me.

This is all ready too long. Anyway, maybe i will share this with a lot of people or just myself I don't know. I don 't intend for it to be a catolog of my daily life. My 14 year old son was not impressed with my new endevour. He's not impressed with anything I do I think. Anyway, hopefully this is the first of many, or maybe it's the last!